Friday, October 28, 2011

Fait Accompli



The people of New England are by nature patient and forbearing, but there are some things which they will not stand. Every year they kill a lot of poets for writing about "Beautiful Spring." These are generally casual visitors, who bring their notions of spring from somewhere else, and cannot, of course, know how the natives feel about spring. And so the first thing they know the opportunity to inquire how they feel has permanently gone by. There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather that compels the stranger's admiration -- and regret. The weather is always doing something there; always attending strictly to business; always getting up new designs and trying them on the people to see how they will go.
                                                                                                                            -Mark Twain

On that note we have this unwelcome guest making it's way through the I 95 corridor.

Despite a collective yawn from most baseball fans, the World Series has turned into a classic with a stunning Game 6 victory by the Cardinals who twice rallied from two run deficits to force a Game 7 tonight in St Louis. As any Red Sox fan can tell you a crushing Game 6 loss usually spells trouble but somehow the Rangers, without the  burden of history, should pull through. If the Rangers DO lose then Nelson Cruz will be forever Bucknered writes Tom Verducci in Sports Illustrated.

The Royal and Exalted masters of the links have spoken and duffers will now have a few new rules to remember the next time they play 18. This is akin to altering the Constitution as it's only been 267 years since the Rules of Golf has made anything resembling a change. I propose a New Testament vs Old Testament interpretration where if the foursome ahead of you are all in their 80's then you have the right to move them off the course.

What the hell is going on in Sanford? Apparently a lot of group sex according to the Portland Press Herald who detail the end of a monthly swingers club in the town. Officials have used words like "appalled" and "disgusted" but I'm not sure if these descriptions relate to the town of Sanford itself or the occasional bacchanalias. Apparently for $40 anyone can gain entry and partake in the festivities which are fully catered(you certainly  work up an appetite) and have strict rules regarding engagement. This could be a boon for struggling Grange Halls and high school gymnasiums which sit empty most nights. My idea, roundly panned by my trusted group of confidantes, is to build a floating "strip" barge that would visit various ports in Maine on the weekends. Think about it: dockworkers and fishermen flush with cash on Friday night running to the piers as the barge plays "Girls, Girls, Girls" signaling the arrival of (shivering) ladies. It's like an  ice cream truck for lonely men.

For fans of the seedy underside of the "What Me Worry" 1970's check out this website on Wordpress. Vintage photographs of racing queen "Jungle Pam" Hardy, Miss Hurst Golden Shifter, customized vans, Hunter Thompson, Harley Shovelhead Choppers, the Farrah Fawcett pinup war and much more.(be sure to click on the photographs to the right)

Image:Woody Guthrie killing fascists(and a few pints) at McSorleys Saloon in 1943

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